Saturday, July 14, 2012

14 July 2012


Yesterday , had a dinner with 2 malaysian exchange student . I did not talk so much during that dinner . And i think they are just two unfamiliar guys in my life .  I think i will not have so much chances to talk to them again.

There's really nothing i can remember what i have done yesterday!! Only Oncall 36 , what an interesting and inspired film.

12/07 , went out with jun hang , chen ning  & adery , 4 guys sang inside the Karoke . It supposed in the small room , but luckily there was not much guests in that day . They provide us the big room , almost can filled with 20 people. It's exciting , 4 people hold with 8 microphone, unfortunately they sang many songs which i did not know before, and i seldom sing those songs before with my friends. However, at least i sang more than before i went to KTV, i like this kind of feeling , nobody grab the mic from you , you can sing from start to the end, so enough people is very important , and with friends that you are more familiar , then i don't feel embarrassed or scared or worried of my own performance or singing skills.

After finish watching the Oncall 36, talked with my mum. Many times before, although my mum never complaint with me about father in the Skype so much, but sometimes i can see through it during sky ping . I can see her expression and sometimes talked with sister in front of me about father . All is just about the money . I think money is always the thing that obsessed my family & me . That's why i think that i always think carefully in using money , and i always have the tendency to earn more money by myself , that's why i always feel like i don't have a specific target and specific interesting or specific dream to pursue. I say i like to play badminton , and badminton is the thing that i really interested , but how come i pursue this as my dream ?? I still could not find a thing that i really interest , that's why i don't have a specific target , only the thing i consider is money. But except from earning money , what else i can do ???  I don't know !!! That's why i have a birthday wish, that is satisfied with my life .

I seldom talk to my father , now come to hong kong , i don't really have the chance talk to him now . Every time i just Skype with mum , sometimes sister . My brother , i think same with father . But at least i talk to my brother frequently when i go back to malaysia. What happen to me ? I feel like i am so out of this family , i don't even whatsapp or Facebook with my close brother and sister. Not because we have bad relationship , because this is just so normal to me ,when they studied overseas , i also did not talk so much with them in Skype or Facebook. But i think this is an abnormal sibling relationship . Because my brother also doesn't take initiative or actively talk to me , maybe he is just too busy , and i am also very busy during spring term . We are so so so close when we was small, i always followed behind him . After stepping into secondary school , we really don't talk too much . Maybe because of me, i changed a lot from every step of my life , in primary , in secondary and in university.I think now i should take initiative to talk to my brother , i hope he can know my life , he can know that i am growing up , i become more mature. Even my sister, although we have a age gap , but this is also the thing that i want to overcome. She complained with me about father yesterday, and she just looked so frustrated and annoyed dealing with those money stuff with my father . Actually i don't feel like my father is bad, he just lack of communication with us , this is his characteristic , he doesn't know how to communicate with his son and daughter ,i don't know why ,. I have been thinking this problem since when i was in secondary school . Sometimes i feel angry with him when mother complaint with us , because of his irresponsible in dealing with money stuff, and always concern about face-saving, this is a typically  man in the pass decade. Additionally , he has a bad temper . No matter how bad of his action, undeniably , he is still my father, he earn money for us to study . Without him , i would not have the chance to study or even stay in a safety place. So what i can complain to him ? The only things i can do is , avoid arguing with him , when he scolded me i just keep quiet, try not to respond to him . But my sister is the only one among my brother and me always arguing with my dad, and it was really serious, and always make their relationship become worse. Why ? Because of their same temper , both of them have bad temper , sometimes i feel like my father is inappropriate in saying some words, my sister just can't bear with him . She said she knows he is our father , but she just can't endure anymore.

But the bad things is only because he could not handle his business comfortably, and this is the only thing that my mother and my sister always  unhappy and dissatisfied with him . I can say that 99 % of the quarrel is due to the business  And my mum and dad is the director of the film , if something happen to the film , my mum will also be involved . I can say that that quarrel will not be terminated if my father never want to stop the business. But without the business, nobody can provide me to study . So i hope that after finishing my study , i hope that i can rely on myself , then they can stop their business.  But it is always very difficult for a young man when they just want to step into the reality world in the beginning of the stage. For me , i hope that i can survive with positive thinking .  I also hope that my dad can have a positive thinking and change his temper , and consider more about his wife and his children .  He 's not a bad guy, he sometimes just make me feel that , there's always his wife and his children can handle the stuff when things he couldn't overcome . When they do not talk about their company , mum and dad can stay together peacefully, but when come to the business stuff, both of them always get angry easily . I really don't want my mum gets angry frequently , this will only make her body become weaker .

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