Recently i have been talking to Xin Min, we talked a lot . All of us are changing from our own perspectives. The ways we think , we do are much more different from before. I don't know whether i am changing much or not , the only things i know is i am in the progress of changing from the way i think. But i am still the same, not mature enough ,and sometimes will say something silly things to friends like treating my old friends in the high school. Maybe this is my characteristic, if i suddenly change, it would be some so weird.
I know everyone including my old friends and UST friends will have so much thinking about their present life and their future life , even me !! Is that the university life we want ???? I don't know , i just feel like i am going back to high school life when i started studying in front of my table. I always thinking what is the purpose for me to study something that i will forget after the examination . This is the problem!! I am so glad that one of my professor told us that :" I don't expect you guys to remember everything you learnt in this semester , of course, i am sure you guys would definitely forget everything you learnt form this course. The thing i want you to learn from this course is the learning process, learn to know how to use your critical thinking to analyze and solve problems. I can tell you, even me , i also forget Thermodynamics(the course he taught now) after graduating from Standford University ,i have to refer it before i come to teach this course, and i referred it for almost 4 times from the UG to Master to PHD to Professor. The grade is not really that important , as long as you are in the average , it is fine,at least you find something to do in your summer , you only have 2 summers, don't miss any chances in front of you !!" I was pretty happy and satisfied after hearing what he had said. He is a respectable professor even he is so young . I even sent him the thank you email to him , whether i am good or bad grade in this course. I am really proud and happy to take his course.
I always try to look at the people surrounding me when i was quiet among my friends. Guessing what the y think about, whether they are unhappy or something happen to them. This is why i am changing a little bit . I try to learn how to dealt with people , when it is too long haven't talk to tee peng , chang jie , shin le , kent loong , xin min , guo cai , i will try to find them to talk , i don't want missed anyone of my old friends. I am trying to keep contacting with them , but i have to admit that i am not doing the perfect , because i always talk to some people only , i think i have zero contact with some others . Every things just is an experience for me , do something wrong , i just wanna change more.
Yesterday , i talked to Sam , this is our conversation :
- just stop thinking about cga can u?
- 你在乱想什么？
- 我又不是在讲我们之间
- even not me, but no point of comparing with others. can u stop talking about cga?why are there only grades in your mind, really dont understand lo
- you don't really understand , you just scold me say that i am very care about CGA all in my mind , you just straight point , but do you really think about my feeling
- 算了吧，如果你认为我是这样的人，我也没有话说
- 因为我是在问你问题
- 你却回应我这样，可能是我问错了方法，问错了问题
- but i am not expect you to understand me
- sorry
- maybe i am just too 意气用事
- 因为我看到的事情，我只是照实的表达出我的感情，我并没有在隐藏，所以我是想克服问题。
- 我还是希望以和为贵，你就当我没有问过这个问题，我也真的不应该问你这种问题。
- sorry i actually understand your feeling, i felt bad last semester
- 我只是覺得每次你都是講到grade, 講到cga, 其實為甚麼你這樣介意別人做得比你好? 你現在已經是大學生, 大學是一個學習課本外的知識的地方, 並不是像中學一樣每天跟朋友鬥爭分數. 你明白嗎? 就是因為你太在意分數, 你的緊張也會間接影響到你身邊的人. 就是因為你把大部分時間花在讀書上, 你並沒有好好享受科大的校園生活. 雖然分數是重要, 難道你認為我不介意自己每次都考得比你們差嗎? 但cga 高又如何, 這並不代表你能找到internship, 現在的老闆已經不太看重cga. 難到你以為他們沒有能力聘請成績比你更好的人嗎? 如果你真的想在香港工作, 現在你要贏別人的是你的skills, especially proficiency in english. 雖然我的cga不比你們高, 但我會珍惜每一個interview的機會去發揮自己, 你看我的internship and exchange opportunity也是這樣靠自己爭取回來的...sorry我昨天的語氣真的是重了, 可是我真的是搞不懂為甚麼你不能明白這個道理.此外, 你要知道自己的身分, 你是一個international student, 可是認真的這一年你有really explore HK? 既然你父母這樣辛苦賺錢供你讀書, 可是除了讀書以外, 你有學到什麼額外的知識呢? 如果在你的眼中, 讀書是為了cga的話, 那你來香港讀書已經沒有那個意義. 我深信你的統考成績在馬來西亞是能進好的學校, 可是為什麼你的父母會送你來這裡讀書. 他們是希望你能學習更多, 見識更廣闊. 因為無論每一個人的cga高或低, 我們都能畢業, 我們拿的都是同一張科大的畢業證書, 所以從今天起, 你真的要好好為自己打算, 好好享受科大的生活, 不要辜負父母的錢和對你的期望.
- just call me if you want to find someone to talk to, we are always here to support you! dont worry too much, we will walk through it together, cheer up la! i will be at ust today from 10am to 6pm, you can come find me chat
- one thing i think you really should learn is how to think in other's shoes! add oil, you can do it!
- sorry again for being so bad tempered as a good friend, i just feel a bit disappointed towards your view la but ya u will understand in one day, perhaps because i have more experience than u, i meet many kinds of people, can share with you the stories some time dont think too much by now, just LIVE FOR YOURSELF.
- 我只是想说我都懂那些东西，我一直在不断的学习，只是因为你有更好的基础，所以你可能觉得我没有很好。现在我的人生中是在不断学习不一样的东西，学习不同的东西。我很珍惜自己在科大的大学生活。
哎，算了吧。总之真的不想再和你谈这些东西了，因为我们已经谈了很多很多次。我很清楚自己在做什么，只是我人生的目标还真的很模糊，我看的不够远，因为我人生的目标不够清楚，所以我才会胡思乱想，当我想到什么我就问什么，可能是我没深思熟虑的关系吧。我会不断地去探索自己的兴趣。只是我喜欢你最后几句，你可以和我分享你更多的经验，因为我很愿意听。
我觉得用Facebook 永远都比不上人与人之间坐下来闲谈的好和准确We just have some misunderstood , but maybe because i did not consider her situation as she got a lot of law examination , she is very stress. But at least , i learnt to know i should ask whether others are free or not , i should not just directly complain what i had to others without giving much consideration for their status and situation. Actually, i don't know why , i just have the feeling when seeing the grade is not good , and less competitive to others , that's why i just attempt to complain what i feel and what i see. I know and even heard people said enjoy university life almost hundred times before, the thing is like i am frequently failed to convert those principles into my life. I need people encouragement for me , but every time after the encouragement , it is also easy for me to care about the grade.When the mainland student suicided in Hall 6 toilet, i feel like life is so much important and precious. It is no point for you strive so hard to get flying color in the academic and torturing yourself under the stressful studying life. I just feel sometime i am too concentrated in the study until i neglect the people around the me , i even feel that i am isolated from this world, i don't know what actually happen in this world. I watched the Love Life video which Jie Chong recommended me to watch, i was so touched by the 3 girls and their parents, why i was so dare to cry in front of so many people in the library, i don't know !!! It just my instinct and it is so nature , and maybe i am scared of what if those things happen to me !!And all those things happen in the exam period, after i talked to my mum about the suicide case. She was worried about the stressful life i live now. She said one thing to me : there are so many people who diagnosed with cancer strive to save their live , why there are also people who so stupid give up their life easily. She asked me to relax.During those exam period, i was not that stress, but it is quite a hard time for me. Because of the continuos exam, i was so tired and bored of the exam. But i insisted to keep going and do all my best for the exam. I don't care about the result of the exam, the more important things are i had strived for the exam, so i don't really think too much about the result.It is an important process for me to become more mature. When the situation is more clearer for me, it is more easier for me to look at others. I always see michelle said she talks about how bad will her result, she said she gonna fail on specific subject , some kind of those words i heard before in high school. She is just like too pessimistic, i don't even know how to describe. Sometimes she will got better grade even she said she dreamed or expected she got 20 marks something. Is like she is over negative thinking about her result. I just hope one day , she can realize the situation , she can change her bad habit.These all happened just few weeks ago, i am just wanna write it down , keep it as my good/bad memory ( who know ?).
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